Tata, gdje je Afrika? - pita Ivica oca.
- Ne znam ali vjerojatno nije daleko. U mojoj firmi radi jedan crnac i svaki dan dolazi na posao biciklom.
Saturday, May 5, 2007
Pjesma o seksu
Kaže mali Ivica učiteljici:
- Napisao sam pjesmu o seksu.
- Hm... Ivice... ma dobro, da čujemo.
- Ustanem rano, idem u školu, učim, malo se igram, opet učim, spavam i sve tako...
- I dobro, a gdje je tu seks? - pita učiteljica.
- Pjesma se zove Jebeš takav život.
- Napisao sam pjesmu o seksu.
- Hm... Ivice... ma dobro, da čujemo.
- Ustanem rano, idem u školu, učim, malo se igram, opet učim, spavam i sve tako...
- I dobro, a gdje je tu seks? - pita učiteljica.
- Pjesma se zove Jebeš takav život.
Čaj bez limuna
- Konobar - obraća se gost u bircu - donesite mi čaj bez limuna.
Malo kasnije vraća se konobar:
- Oprostite, nemamo limuna, može li čaj bez nečeg drugog?
Malo kasnije vraća se konobar:
- Oprostite, nemamo limuna, može li čaj bez nečeg drugog?
KaramBa
Mujo vodi ljubav s Meksikankom. Iznenada uđe Fata i vikne:
- Mujo, šta to radiš?!
- KaramBa!
Izjave nogometaša
'I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league.' - Mark Viduka
'He's put on weight and I've lost it, and vice versa.' - Ronnie Whelan
'If you don't believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of bed at the end of the day.' - Neville Southall
'We lost because we didn't win.' - Ronaldo
'I've had 14 bookings this season - 8 of which were my fault, but 7 of which were disputable.' - Paul Gascoigne
'I've never wanted to leave. I'm here for the rest of my life, and hopefully after that as well.' - Alan Shearer
'I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona.' - Mark Draper
'You've got to believe that you're going to win, and I believe we'll win the World Cup until the final whistle blows and we're knocked out.' - Peter Shilton
'I faxed a transfer request to the club at the beginning of the week, but let me state that I don't want to leave Leicester.' - Stan Collymore
'I was watching the Blackburn game on TV on Sunday when it flashed on the screen that George (Ndah) had scored in the first minute at Birmingham. My first reaction was to ring him up. Then I remembered he was out there playing.' - Ade Akinbiyi
'Without being too harsh on David Beckham, he cost us the match.' - Ian Wright
'It was a big relief off my shoulder.' - Paul Gascoigne
'I'm as happy as I can be - but I have been happier.' - Ugo Ehiogu
'It took a lot of bottle for Tony (Adams) to own up.' - Ian Wright
'Leeds is a great club and it's been my home for years, even though I live in Middlesbrough.' - Jonathan Woodgate
'He's put on weight and I've lost it, and vice versa.' - Ronnie Whelan
'If you don't believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of bed at the end of the day.' - Neville Southall
'We lost because we didn't win.' - Ronaldo
'I've had 14 bookings this season - 8 of which were my fault, but 7 of which were disputable.' - Paul Gascoigne
'I've never wanted to leave. I'm here for the rest of my life, and hopefully after that as well.' - Alan Shearer
'I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona.' - Mark Draper
'You've got to believe that you're going to win, and I believe we'll win the World Cup until the final whistle blows and we're knocked out.' - Peter Shilton
'I faxed a transfer request to the club at the beginning of the week, but let me state that I don't want to leave Leicester.' - Stan Collymore
'I was watching the Blackburn game on TV on Sunday when it flashed on the screen that George (Ndah) had scored in the first minute at Birmingham. My first reaction was to ring him up. Then I remembered he was out there playing.' - Ade Akinbiyi
'Without being too harsh on David Beckham, he cost us the match.' - Ian Wright
'It was a big relief off my shoulder.' - Paul Gascoigne
'I'm as happy as I can be - but I have been happier.' - Ugo Ehiogu
'It took a lot of bottle for Tony (Adams) to own up.' - Ian Wright
'Leeds is a great club and it's been my home for years, even though I live in Middlesbrough.' - Jonathan Woodgate
Mujo i plavuša
Stoji ženska u autu na semaforu i kraj nje staje Mujo sa svojim autom. Gledaju se oni međusobno te Mujo počne otvarat prozor. Cura sva sretna počne otvarat prozor misleći da će joj Mujo nešto reći... a Mujo će:
- "Šta je, šta si i ti prdnula?"
- "Šta je, šta si i ti prdnula?"
Monday, April 30, 2007
Mujo i Haso
Pito Haso Muju:
- Bolan Mujo, što tvoje djete spava gore na regalu
A Mujo odgovara:
- Ma svake mi noći djete ispada iz kreveta... a ja ga ne čujem kad padne...
- Bolan Mujo, što tvoje djete spava gore na regalu
A Mujo odgovara:
- Ma svake mi noći djete ispada iz kreveta... a ja ga ne čujem kad padne...
Mujo i Suljo
Sretnu se Mujo i Suljo u sred pustinje. Mujo nosi telefonsku govornicu, a Suljo vrecu kamenja. Pita Suljo Muju: Sto ce ti, ba, telefonska govornica. Radi lavova, Mujo ce. Kako ba, radi lavova, pita Suljo. Fino, natjera me lav, ja spustim govornicu, udjem unutra, zatvorim se i zovem upomoc. A sto ce tebi, ba, vreca s kamenjima , pita Mujo sad Sulju. Kako sto ce mi, isto radi lavova Kako to, Mujo ce. Natjera me lav, ja bacim vrecu i lakse mi bjezat, kaze Suljo.
Ivica
Za vrijeme školskog sata Ivica se zagledao u učiteljicu i ne skida pogled s nje. Nakon nekog vremena učiteljica mu priđe i upita ga zašto ju tako gleda. Ivica kaže:
- Učiteljice, ja vas volim!
- Ali, Ivice, ja ne volim malu djecu.
- Pazit ćemo, učiteljice, pazit ćemo!
- Učiteljice, ja vas volim!
- Ali, Ivice, ja ne volim malu djecu.
- Pazit ćemo, učiteljice, pazit ćemo!
Perica i grudi
Pitala uciteljica Pericu:
- Perice, ajde nam ljepo reci koja je naša najpoznatija ravnica?
- Vaše grudi, učiteljice, ravne su ko daska!
Baba i deda
Svađaju se baba i deda zbog nemogućnosti da imaju seksualne odnose, pa kaže baba:
• Ja još uvek mogu leći na leđa i dignuti noge u zrak!
A deda će:
• Pa mogu i ja, ali ko će nas jebati?
• Ja još uvek mogu leći na leđa i dignuti noge u zrak!
A deda će:
• Pa mogu i ja, ali ko će nas jebati?
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